I’m one of those liberals that likes to keep their clothes on. Don’t bother to call me a prude —I’ll do it for you— but thanks to a mix of mainstream upbringing and fear of photographic repercussions, I just prefer not to protest dependence on foreign oil or wasteful American culture by getting naked. But since I live in Portland, my friends sure do. Which is how I wound up last night at the world’s largest naked bike ride. As the volunteer coat checker.

Here is a word of advice in case you ever attend a naked protest/dance party: Wear a mask. The biggest mask you can find. There are two good reasons to do this. One is no one will recognize you and attempt naked small talk. The other is that no one can see you laughing at them. As a coat checker for nudists, this is an essential diplomatic trait. I wore a foam lion mask I had dug out of the Goodwill outlet bins earlier that day. It was tough to breathe and my speech was unintelligible, but even the over enthusiastic Obama-loving creepazoid who harasses me with dozens of text messages didn’t recognize me as he handed his pants across the table between us.

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P.S. To see all of S. Mirk’s PubliComix just click on the PubliComix logo above. Already classics, #s: 31, 30, 22, 21, 20, 19, 17, 12, and 11.